I had no notions of France being some magical, romantic, holiday-land. France was actually pretty low on my list of places I wanted to visit, let alone live. Sorry, France, I’m just not that into you.
But even if you aren’t a Francophile, most people are familiar with the image that France manages to project to the world. Cool, stylish, lover of baguettes. Only one of those is true.
Paris =/= France
The first point most feel compelled to make is that Paris is not France. The rest of the world thinks France is just Paris. Paris thinks that it’s all of France. The rest of France is very resentful of Paris. On this point, I am compelled to agree with the rest of France. Paris is an expensive city that smells like pee.
The French Aren’t Cool
The French, on the whole, are very convinced that they are cooler than everyone else. This is false. Unless walking around with bread in your armpits is cool. (It’s not.) This may be linked to their inability to admit they are wrong when they very much are (which is hilarious). Their smoking isn’t cool. Their dog shit all over the streets isn’t cool. Their fear of being open and friendly isn’t cool.
Over-all, they’re really kind of dorky.
The French Aren’t Stylish
On that note, they are not stylish. I read way too many blogs before coming here about how French people dress explaining (in very cisgender terms) that every woman was beautifully put-together and how you’d never see a man in a pair of shorts. Even if you corrected to say this was only about Parisians, that’s also not true. There is one tiny percentage of the population of Paris that this would apply to.
But even this small percentage is not what I would call stylish. I’d call it boring. Very few colors. You wouldn’t remember one from the next, they all look the same. You will rarely see interesting styles, but you will see what boring people think is the “correct” way to dress if you are upper class or pretending to be.
The rest of France is comparable to any suburb or rural area in the US. Sneakers. White boys in track suits. More camouflage than you can possibly imagine. So much camo. If you took a drink every time you saw someone wearing camo, you’d be at least a little drunk anytime you left the house. Sure, you’re less likely to see people in pajama pants at the grocery store, but not wearing your sleep clothes to run an errand is a really low and frankly irrelevant bar.
French Food Is Just Okay
And speaking of groceries, let’s address the idea that French food is great. Like any place, it has stuff it is good at. But the way they carry-on about and carry around their bread you’d think it was made of magical ambrosia. Baguettes are okay. Boring, but okay. Some are better than others. None are better than many other types of bread. And really, bread isn’t nearly the best kind of food I can think of. And while the food here is high quality, much of it is like the way they dress. Just kind of okay.
And don’t even try if you are vegan or have other dietary restrictions in France. I feel really bad for the vegans I know here, they have a really hard time. You would think coming from the US and their love of meat products, I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by how much meat they serve here. But most French menus are meat, meat, another meat, dish with meat in it, or meat. You can have some cheese or maybe a veggie but main dishes seem to require meat.
Oh, do you enjoy spices in your food? Be prepared to hunt out the non-French aisles and stores for food with any sort of strong flavor.
The French Are Racist (Just Like Everywhere)
The French, like many European countries, like to claim that they don’t have a systemic racism and xenophobia problem. They do. They absolutely do. The dynamics are different than the US, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Also, the heavily militarized racist French police throw tantrums when they are told not to choke people.
France is shockingly average. Almost like it’s just a regular place full of imperfect people not generally better or worse than anyone. It seems like many countries project a fake cultural profile that ends up being the opposite of the truth. The US isn’t very “free”, the English are far from “civilized”, and if you think Canada is “nice”, speak to their indigenous people about how they are treated. The French have tried to convince us they are “cool”. Don’t fall for it.
Disclaimer: There are many good things about France. Please do not yell at me.
