One of the audio books I’ve put in my rotation this past year is Peter Wohlleben’s The Hidden Life Of Trees. Having enjoyed it, I searched out more of his books. I downloaded The Inner Life Of Animals, and wasn’t too impressed because a lot of it is what I would consider obvious information. Like, “did you know animals feel pain and have emotions?!?!” Yes, yes I did. I am not quite sure who this book is for. People who have never seen an animal before? This is not the fault of the author. The author seems like a really kind person who I would get along with.
I then also attempted The Weather Detective: Rediscovering Nature’s Secret Signs. This is again a lot of info I already knew, mostly from growing up in the woods. But there is one story in this book (which is horribly titled, it’s not about weather as much as it’s about nature in general) about pine marten piss.
The author tells a story of a pine marten or martens making a nest in their car’s engine block (or whatever part of a car is warm that a weasel-type-animal can crawl in I know nothing about how cars work please don’t ask me anything about cars). Pine martens mark their territory by peeing and pooing. And their pee is really stinky. I assume, being related to ferrets, they probably just smell all the time. Have you ever been inside someone’s house who owns a ferret? Even when they have their stinky gland removed, they still just stink.
So it’s one thing if a pine marten makes a stinky nest in your car. It’s another if you drive your car to another area that also has pine martens and leave it overnight, as the author did. So some other pine martens came and pissed all over his car because it smelled like another pine marten’s area. And then when he drove the car back home, the original pine marten is enraged that his randomly warm and mobile nest has been pissed all over by another pine marten and begins pissing all over the piss.
The author had to have someone wire a metal plate under their car that would give off a small shock to keep out the pine martens. I don’t know what methods were used to clean out all the urine. If I am ever in touch with the author, I will ask him.
This story was perhaps more interesting to me than most because unlike in the German woodlands where the author lives, the Pennsylvania woods are not home to martens. They are mostly in Canada. I have, in fact, never seen a pine (or stone or whatever other kind of) marten. I mean, maybe I have seen one in a zoo? I don’t remember seeing one. And I feel I would remember, as the name “Marten” is a hilarious name for an animal. If I had a marten I would name them Martin the Marten. No, Marvin the Marten. Marvin the Marten, le Marquis du Saint-Martin.
Urine as a social conflict strategy is common among many mammals. I often wonder if it’s why French men are constantly peeing in public places. Are they marking territory? Can’t you do that without urine? Get a can of spray paint and learn to tag instead. Some French trains get beautiful graffiti on them if parked too long. So much better than a bunch of people pissing on the train.
A year and some months into my time in France, I eagerly await a time when I can go into the woods and see a pine marten. Or less ideally, smell a pine marten. I would go now, but it’s below freezing and also hunting season and hunters in France are known for being drunk and shooting people. So instead I’m inside listening to nature books.
A group of pine martens is called a “richness”.
Rich with urine, I guess.
