a 9 week old cocker spaniel puppy

Cat Lady Wants A Dog

Soon after SARS-CoV-2 began to spread across the world, which for me was weeks after moving to rural France, I began to contemplate adopting a dog. While I had made friends with many of the local stray cats, and had my own two cats who came with me from the US, I was still lonely and lacking in reasons to leave the house since my plans of traveling for writing work/fun had their heads smashed against the rocks of the pandemic shores. But being in a precarious position of having just moved to new country where I didn’t speak the language, lacking multiple resources, and attempting to sort out my physical health while recovering from ongoing trauma made my musing of adding a potentially household-wrecking poop and pee machine filled with teeth go at an escargot-speed.

2020 came and passed. Chronic illness + language barrier + pandemic = isolation on a scale I have never previously experienced. I was already an only child orphan who has been violently cut off from all other social outlets before these new restrictions. It takes a lot for me to feel alone. I was feeling alone.

It took until the middle of 2021 to admit to anyone that I was ready to begin the active stages of finding a dog. There is a ridiculous amount of bias against companion animals for people who are not wealthy/able-bodied/housed/etc, even though those are the exact demographics of people who most benefit from companion animals. I rely solely on support from friends/internet strangers to afford to pay rent and eat, not to mention (because of) my ridiculous amount of health issues that constantly cause disruptions to my already limited capacities. And no matter how respectful or understanding people think they are, there are a lot of people who would think my getting a dog was some sort of sign that I was no longer in need of help or be angry with me for diverting their donated resources.

(If you see someone living on the street with a pet and you think “that person shouldn’t have a pet” and not “that family should be housed”, you are fundamentally broken as a person. But those biases exist in the head of a lot of people, and navigating around those biases often results in being deemed less worthy of any kind of life.)

The Search

In spite of my fears of outside judgement and punishment, began my daily searches for the Goldilocks of dogs. Not too big, not too small, won’t eat my cats, no puppies, etc. But being on a temporary visa, renting a place with no yard, and the bonkers requirements from rescues like “home visits” during a fucking pandemic into a high-risk person’s home, all made it seem like maybe this wouldn’t work. I started to regret taking the time to make the decision. What if it took years more to find one? I’d probably start gnawing on the drywall or start drinking if left much longer in my current condition.

I searched the shelter websites. Any time I would see a dog that would maybe fit with us —and I had no preference as to sex or age aside from not a baby, even special needs was fine by me— they were always marked as “no cats”. Even the overseas rescues were impossible to deal with, most never even responding.

Months later, I had nearly given up and was grumpily looking for something else for my OCD brain to ruminate over when I finally lucked out. Though I was not looking for a puppy, a puppy is what I ended up with thanks to a contact at an English-speaking animal rescue here in France. And while I wasn’t excited about raising a puppy (I’ve done it before, it’s not on my list of fun, stress-relieving activities), she (an English Cocker Spaniel surrendered with her litter from a backyard breeder) would likely be the least stressful option for my cats.

(Is this the time to mention how pedigree dog breeding freaks me the fuck out? It’s much too eugenicsy for me, thanks.)

I had 3 weeks to prepare.

The Current (Online) Dog World

When I committed to adopting a baby dog, I took to the internet for my obsessive puppy raising information craving. It turns out that aside from some new toys on the market, there wasn’t much new info for me to learn about the usual puppy concerns. What I did learn from scanning puppy and dog forums for months was that most people (adult humans who should know better!!!!!!) who buy/adopt puppies (who post to public sites about their puppy raising) have no idea what animals are, let alone dogs. (No wonder the entire Earth is fucked, there’s an entire population of humans who don’t even have basic understandings of any other living beings around them.)

Also upsetting was that many if not most people still think physically abusing or “dominating” your dog is how to train it to be your pet? While I was learning dog training in the 1990s as a kid, this was already debunked. That so many people are still suck on animal abuse as a default interaction with other creatures is disturbing at the least.

Then there are the massive amounts of people who thought getting a puppy would help with their mental health, only to be freaking out hours, days, or weeks later in massive panic spirals because they didn’t know that puppies are baby animals that need care and not a cute thing whose job it is to make them feel better. As someone who got a puppy to improve their mental health and had it work as planned, please know that I would never recommend someone with a lack of animal experience take on the responsibility of a pet, especially a baby one that needs constant supervision and training, especially when they are not in a stable situation. There are many other situations you can work out where you can be with, learn about, and experience animals before you become responsible for one.

Oh, then there’s the people in relationships who clearly should not be in relationships getting puppies and going to the dog forums as if it’s a dog training issue and not a human training issue. A puppy will not fix your shit. Be prepared to break up over it if you make this mistake. Yes, raising a puppy is much easier if you share the duties with another person. Myself, I think finding a person I would trust to raise a puppy with me is more difficult than raising a puppy alone.

Why This Puppy Worked For Me

When I brought her home almost 4 months ago, I knew what I was getting into. I was prepared to be miserable for up to a year. I committed to sleeping on a futon mattress inside a pen in my kitchen for months (I only ended up doing it for a few weeks before she could have longer potty breaks and slept fine without me) so we could bond and she wouldn’t be scared while she adjusted to life here. I knew I would be sleep deprived. No puppy pads, just vigilant potty breaks. Carrying her around in a bag every day outside for 6 weeks so she could be desensitized to the world. Training. Socialization. Desensitization. So much to worry about that wasn’t existential dread.

I was so set up to take on a nightmare that she turned out to be fairly easy. She came to me at 8.5 weeks (holy shit that is so young, I wish she could have been with her family longer) with an already friendly disposition and smart enough to pick up training without struggle. She never bit hard. She sleeps 11 to 12 hours a night by herself (she gets a bathroom break in there when I go to bed). And I lucked out with my cats as they only find her interesting to annoying on a sliding scale. (This may change once she’s let into the rest of the living space, but she’s confined to the kitchen/dining area until after she’s spayed due to a ridiculously steep and scary spiral staircase I don’t want her even thinking about yet.)

This could all change as she heads into puppy puberty, but I don’t regret bringing her home. She has been a welcome distraction from the continued deterioration of society. I hope she’ll eventually be a candidate for some sort of support or medical training. Right now it’s tough to keep her socialized when the covid numbers are what they are right now in the winter when French people refuse to keep windows open on trains, but we’ll figure it out. I’m lucky to have her.

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